1
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:24,853
Feel your uterus curl into
a smile as you stretch deeper

2
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:26,352
into Crowning Otter.

3
00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:30,935
Ugh, Crowning Otter...
it's so graphic.

4
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:32,998
Lin, why do you do
this prenatal yoga?

5
00:00:33,007 --> 00:00:34,174
You're... I mean,
you're not pregnant.

6
00:00:34,179 --> 00:00:35,822
Your youngest child is nine.

7
00:00:35,829 --> 00:00:37,387
I like it.

8
00:00:37,394 --> 00:00:39,529
It keeps my pelvic
floor perky. Ah!

9
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:41,305
- Ugh.
- Ugh.

10
00:00:41,313 --> 00:00:43,815
Hey, Mom, when you're done
polishing your pelvic floor,

11
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,877
can you check
my math homework for me?

12
00:00:45,885 --> 00:00:46,919
There's nothing on here

13
00:00:46,924 --> 00:00:48,383
but a drawing of a robot.

14
00:00:48,390 --> 00:00:50,148
Who's better at math
than a robot?

15
00:00:50,156 --> 00:00:51,556
They're made of math.

16
00:00:51,562 --> 00:00:53,080
Oh, Mom, did you
have a chance

17
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,038
to finish reading
<i>Buddy's Rainbow?</i>

18
00:00:55,046 --> 00:00:58,007
- I did.
- The ending was so sad.

19
00:00:58,019 --> 00:01:00,261
Ah, this...
remind me how it ends.

20
00:01:00,271 --> 00:01:02,405
Buddy dies,
poor doggie.

21
00:01:02,414 --> 00:01:03,715
Write it down.
Write it down.

22
00:01:03,721 --> 00:01:05,388
At least he saw
the rainbow.

23
00:01:05,395 --> 00:01:06,895
Oh, he did?
Yeah.

24
00:01:06,902 --> 00:01:08,837
Louise, did you read
any of the book yourself?

25
00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:12,047
I could read it, but I retain it
better when Mom tells it to me.

26
00:01:12,061 --> 00:01:14,245
Lin, we've talked
about this a thousand times.

27
00:01:14,254 --> 00:01:16,139
You can't keep doing
the kids' homework for them.

28
00:01:16,147 --> 00:01:18,315
I'm not.
I'm helping them.

29
00:01:18,324 --> 00:01:19,907
What about you, Tina?

30
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:21,666
Is your mother helping you
do your homework?

31
00:01:21,674 --> 00:01:23,057
No.
See?

32
00:01:23,063 --> 00:01:24,430
But Mom's been logging
her dreams

33
00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:26,270
in my dream journal
for English class.

34
00:01:26,278 --> 00:01:27,812
Great, you're dreaming for her.

35
00:01:27,819 --> 00:01:29,586
Oh, last night,
I dreamt

36
00:01:29,594 --> 00:01:31,061
I was breast-feeding
Gene again,

37
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,068
and he had a long white
beard like Santa Claus.

38
00:01:33,077 --> 00:01:34,728
Oh, it was freaky.

39
00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:36,820
That could be
our next Christmas card.

40
00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:37,995
No.
Please.

41
00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:39,000
No.

42
00:01:41,988 --> 00:01:44,223
Well, Teddy, I finally did it.

43
00:01:44,232 --> 00:01:45,549
I got a soft serve machine.

44
00:01:45,555 --> 00:01:46,755
I knew you could
do it, Bob.

45
00:01:46,761 --> 00:01:48,295
You just need to
believe in yourself.

46
00:01:48,302 --> 00:01:49,886
Yeah, and summer's coming.

47
00:01:49,893 --> 00:01:51,727
This thing is going
to be a gold mine.

48
00:02:09,888 --> 00:02:12,823
<i>- Bobby,</i> where'd you go?
- Huh?

49
00:02:12,836 --> 00:02:14,303
Stop daydreaming.

50
00:02:14,309 --> 00:02:16,444
- Let's have some of that ice cream.
- Okay, here we go.

51
00:02:16,453 --> 00:02:20,105
First bowl of a new era.

52
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,738
- Oh, ugh, nasty.
- Give it here, give it here, give it here.

53
00:02:22,749 --> 00:02:24,400
Don't throw it out.
No, no, I wouldn't eat that.

54
00:02:24,407 --> 00:02:26,091
Just give it to me.
It's not ready yet.

55
00:02:26,099 --> 00:02:27,700
Give it to me.

56
00:02:27,707 --> 00:02:29,074
Ho-oh-oh.

57
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,680
Wow, that is
something there.

58
00:02:30,687 --> 00:02:32,488
As your first customer,
I can tell you,

59
00:02:32,496 --> 00:02:33,930
you don't change
a thing, you know.

60
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,303
Teddy, you'll eat
anything.

61
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,311
What? I won't eat anything.
I'm pretty discerning.

62
00:02:37,319 --> 00:02:40,354
- Eat this.
- What was that?

63
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:42,068
Don't feed a guy
a sponge, Bobby.

64
00:02:42,075 --> 00:02:44,343
Don't feed a
guy a sponge.

65
00:02:44,353 --> 00:02:45,601
You put it
in your mouth, Teddy.

66
00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:51,208
Louise, guess which one
of us ate cat food.

67
00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:53,858
Ugh, both of you.

68
00:02:53,865 --> 00:02:55,366
We brought it from home.

69
00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:57,207
See you in P.E. class.

70
00:02:57,215 --> 00:02:58,615
I'm sick of P.E.

71
00:02:58,621 --> 00:03:00,889
- So am I.
- Me, too.

72
00:03:00,898 --> 00:03:03,266
I hate the whole shirts
and skins thing.

73
00:03:03,276 --> 00:03:05,544
I'm not open! I'm not open!

74
00:03:05,554 --> 00:03:07,488
I hate Ms. Schroeder's
dumb rules.

75
00:03:07,496 --> 00:03:10,665
I told you, Louise,
no hats in P.E.

76
00:03:10,678 --> 00:03:14,848
And I told you, I have a raging
staph infection under here.

77
00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:16,833
Touch this hat
and we all go down.

78
00:03:16,842 --> 00:03:19,710
You want to play dodgeball
in the hospital?

79
00:03:19,722 --> 00:03:22,240
I hate how I always get hit
in the head with the ball.

80
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,201
Ow.
Ow.

81
00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:25,994
Ow. Ow.

82
00:03:26,001 --> 00:03:27,335
I don't want to go
to P.E. anymore.

83
00:03:27,342 --> 00:03:28,843
Me, neither.

84
00:03:28,849 --> 00:03:30,466
Let's swing by Mr.
Frond's office.

85
00:03:30,473 --> 00:03:32,507
He's highly suggestible.

86
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:35,885
You guys,
when I'm in P.E. class,

87
00:03:35,899 --> 00:03:37,467
I feel like I'm not living up

88
00:03:37,474 --> 00:03:39,741
to society's warped image
of fitness.

89
00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:41,635
I feel like a loser.

90
00:03:41,644 --> 00:03:44,062
I feel like I'm not being valued
as a woman.

91
00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:45,455
Me, neither.

92
00:03:45,461 --> 00:03:47,529
I need guidance and counseling.

93
00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:49,105
I'm a guidance
counselor.

94
00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:51,080
Come in.

95
00:03:51,088 --> 00:03:53,857
So you're feeling a little
P.O.'d about P.E., huh?

96
00:03:55,324 --> 00:03:57,243
But physical education
is a state requirement.

97
00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:59,319
I can't just let you out of it.

98
00:03:59,328 --> 00:04:02,680
But, what if, I don't know,
instead of class,

99
00:04:02,693 --> 00:04:04,611
we did an independent...

100
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,354
study in something

101
00:04:06,361 --> 00:04:08,329
sort of physical,
something, like,

102
00:04:08,338 --> 00:04:11,106
I don't know,
that the school doesn't offer.

103
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,936
Independent study...
I like the sound of that.

104
00:04:13,948 --> 00:04:15,248
Sounds like something
I'd come up with.

105
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:17,188
- You just did. Yeah.
- You did.

106
00:04:17,196 --> 00:04:18,930
- Nailed it.
- Uh, I guess I did.

107
00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:20,906
The superintendent
is going to love this idea.

108
00:04:20,914 --> 00:04:23,883
So, what would you do for
your independent study?

109
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:25,596
Uh, swimming?

110
00:04:25,603 --> 00:04:27,705
Synchronized swimming.
No, she doesn't mean

111
00:04:27,714 --> 00:04:29,397
- what she says ever.
- Or just regular swimming and splashing.

112
00:04:29,404 --> 00:04:30,946
I love synchronized swimming.

113
00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:33,197
- Who doesn't, huh?
- Yeah. I mean, okay, yeah.

114
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,108
Great.
All right, so, uh...

115
00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:37,224
you'll need an adult
to supervise you.

116
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,793
We know an adult.

117
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,408
We definitely
know an adult.

118
00:04:40,415 --> 00:04:42,242
Have 'em sign this.

119
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:45,886
Linda Belcher...
fancy on the "B"...

120
00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:48,769
definitely signed this form.

121
00:04:48,781 --> 00:04:50,732
Tina, synchronized swimming?

122
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:52,724
That is the most random sport
in the world.

123
00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:54,167
How'd you even come up
with that?

124
00:04:54,173 --> 00:04:55,790
Mom loves
synchronized swimming.

125
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:57,882
Don't you remember
during the last Olympics?

126
00:04:57,891 --> 00:04:59,658
She made us do
everything synchronized.

127
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,651
And brush and brush
and brush and spit.

128
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:03,459
Good.

129
00:05:03,467 --> 00:05:06,236
We just got out of P.E. for the
rest of the year, my friends.

130
00:05:06,248 --> 00:05:08,866
Yeah, who needs it?

131
00:05:12,226 --> 00:05:13,259
Phew.

132
00:05:13,264 --> 00:05:15,866
Here, let me try.

133
00:05:15,877 --> 00:05:18,762
Huh. I need to exercise.

134
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:22,720
First, you fill
the base of the cone.

135
00:05:22,725 --> 00:05:24,125
Boring.

136
00:05:24,132 --> 00:05:26,067
Just let me do
the demonstration, all right?

137
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:28,910
So the ice cream goes on
the inside of the cone always?

138
00:05:28,922 --> 00:05:29,981
It goes... yes.

139
00:05:29,986 --> 00:05:31,026
It's like an edible bowl.

140
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,549
We get it. Move on.

141
00:05:32,555 --> 00:05:34,656
Wait, if that's ice cream,
why is it soft?

142
00:05:34,665 --> 00:05:36,332
Oh, my God.
I have a question.

143
00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:37,707
Why are you telling us this?

144
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,047
Because I'm going
to need your help.

145
00:05:39,053 --> 00:05:40,687
You guys are going
to be running this thing.

146
00:05:40,694 --> 00:05:41,994
Oh.

147
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,503
I now pronounce you
Team Soft Serve.

148
00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:48,385
I made a soft serve this
morning, so I should be captain.

149
00:05:48,397 --> 00:05:49,981
Kids, time for school.

150
00:05:49,988 --> 00:05:51,489
Here, I washed your gym clothes.

151
00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:52,596
We don't need gym
clothes anymore.

152
00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:54,335
Tina, of course we do.

153
00:05:54,343 --> 00:05:55,994
What, are we going
to run laps naked?

154
00:05:58,781 --> 00:06:01,032
Oh, and Gene, here's
your Navajo warrior mask

155
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:03,576
for your history class.
Wow, Mom, great job.

156
00:06:03,587 --> 00:06:06,456
It smells like you.

157
00:06:06,468 --> 00:06:08,661
I've been wearing it
all morning. I love it.

158
00:06:11,994 --> 00:06:14,329
Thanks, Mom.
I hope we get a good grade.

159
00:06:14,339 --> 00:06:15,773
Hmm, uh-uh-uh.

160
00:06:15,779 --> 00:06:17,980
Don't you make noises at me,
you judge-a-roo.

161
00:06:17,989 --> 00:06:19,289
Go play
your judge-eridoo.

162
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,294
Uh-uh.

163
00:06:20,299 --> 00:06:21,393
Ah-ah!

164
00:06:21,398 --> 00:06:23,941
Suckers.

165
00:06:23,952 --> 00:06:25,785
Louise, why aren't you
in P.E.?

166
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,412
Do you guys have lice?
I do. I do.

167
00:06:28,423 --> 00:06:31,141
For your information,
we don't do P.E. anymore.

168
00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:32,986
We do independent study,
thank you.

169
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:34,695
Yeah, we're off the grid.

170
00:06:34,703 --> 00:06:35,836
So long, balls.

171
00:06:35,841 --> 00:06:37,425
- Heads up!
- Ow.

172
00:06:38,621 --> 00:06:40,171
Ow.

173
00:06:40,178 --> 00:06:42,663
? Headin' out of P.E. ?

174
00:06:42,674 --> 00:06:46,944
? Gives us time
to play on the street ?

175
00:06:46,961 --> 00:06:50,213
? First we lied to Mr. Frond ?

176
00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:54,429
? Now we're in a nail salon... ?

177
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,796
? On. ?

178
00:07:02,787 --> 00:07:04,988
Mr. Frond,
pretty yarn.

179
00:07:04,997 --> 00:07:06,190
Do you knit?

180
00:07:06,196 --> 00:07:07,403
You tell me.

181
00:07:08,681 --> 00:07:09,881
What up, my knitta?

182
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:12,256
So, let's talk
synchronized swimming.

183
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,200
Oh, yeah, I'm
always up for that.

184
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:15,241
Big commitment.

185
00:07:15,246 --> 00:07:16,647
I bet.

186
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:19,121
I still have
the '96 Olympics on VHS.

187
00:07:19,132 --> 00:07:21,333
The Miracle on Melted Ice.

188
00:07:21,342 --> 00:07:24,311
Ooh, I have <i>Dynasty</i> on VHS.

189
00:07:24,323 --> 00:07:27,124
Well, I can't wait to see
the routine you choreograph

190
00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,422
for the kids
in independent study.

191
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:33,117
Independent wha...?!

192
00:07:33,132 --> 00:07:34,949
Those little sneaks.

193
00:07:34,957 --> 00:07:36,508
I can't believe they lied
to Mr. Frond like that.

194
00:07:36,515 --> 00:07:38,049
Ah, here you go, sir.

195
00:07:38,055 --> 00:07:39,806
And they used me in their lie.
What do you expect?

196
00:07:39,814 --> 00:07:41,648
You coddle them too much.

197
00:07:41,656 --> 00:07:43,490
Well, I'm not going
to coddle them this time.

198
00:07:43,498 --> 00:07:45,065
I'm going to get real tough.

199
00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:47,073
What a day at school.

200
00:07:47,082 --> 00:07:49,309
I feel so physically educated.

201
00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:50,993
Hello, kids.

202
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,553
I had a very interesting
encounter with Mr. Frond today.

203
00:07:54,568 --> 00:07:56,569
You did?
Yeah, he's an interesting guy.

204
00:07:56,578 --> 00:07:58,796
Yeah, he is
very interesting, Tina.

205
00:07:58,805 --> 00:08:00,405
He's so interesting

206
00:08:00,412 --> 00:08:03,164
that he told me
about your independent study.

207
00:08:03,175 --> 00:08:04,593
Uh... I got to go.

208
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,167
I have forgot
everything outside.

209
00:08:07,178 --> 00:08:08,779
Sit down.
I got big, big news for you.

210
00:08:08,786 --> 00:08:11,588
You're not going to get
away with it, either.

211
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:13,380
Dad, do you want some help
with the soft serve?

212
00:08:13,388 --> 00:08:16,109
Get over here. Look at this face
and remember it

213
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:20,190
because it's the face of your
new synchronized swimming coach.

214
00:08:20,207 --> 00:08:22,174
What? Lin.

215
00:08:22,182 --> 00:08:23,283
Huh...?

216
00:08:26,826 --> 00:08:29,161
I guess we actually have to do
synchronized swimming now.

217
00:08:29,171 --> 00:08:31,372
Tina, this is the woman
who chewed your food

218
00:08:31,381 --> 00:08:33,449
for you when you had
your tonsils out.

219
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:34,992
We're not going to
have to lift a finger.

220
00:08:34,999 --> 00:08:37,200
Okay, you two,
lift your fingers.

221
00:08:37,209 --> 00:08:40,044
Synchronized swimming
starts at your fingertips

222
00:08:40,056 --> 00:08:41,490
and ends
with your tippy toes.

223
00:08:41,497 --> 00:08:43,081
I like it!

224
00:08:43,088 --> 00:08:46,090
It holds things in, in
all the right places.

225
00:08:46,102 --> 00:08:48,236
Why is Gene wearing
a girl's suit?

226
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:50,059
'Cause, otherwise,
we wouldn't look synchronized.

227
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,189
All right, everyone
in the pool. Come on.

228
00:08:53,738 --> 00:08:55,439
Whistles are
for lifeguards only.

229
00:08:55,446 --> 00:08:57,510
- Sorry.
- Thank you.

230
00:08:57,519 --> 00:08:59,657
Mom... I mean, uh, Coach,

231
00:08:59,666 --> 00:09:03,502
before we dive in, maybe we
could watch you do a few moves.

232
00:09:03,518 --> 00:09:05,236
We're visual learners,
right, guys?

233
00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:07,210
Yeah, like Jennifer Beals
in <i>Flashdance.</i>

234
00:09:07,219 --> 00:09:09,609
She had to watch a lot
of welding before she got good.

235
00:09:09,619 --> 00:09:10,864
I love <i>Flashdance.</i>

236
00:09:10,870 --> 00:09:13,339
Okay, I see
your point.

237
00:09:13,349 --> 00:09:16,417
This is called
the eggbeater kick.

238
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,403
Nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-
nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang...

239
00:09:18,411 --> 00:09:19,840
Looking good, Mom!

240
00:09:19,847 --> 00:09:22,211
I'm learning a lot
from looking!

241
00:09:22,221 --> 00:09:23,692
See, not so bad.

242
00:09:23,698 --> 00:09:25,265
I could get
used to this.

243
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:26,672
Hi.
Hello.

244
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:27,980
How are you?
I'm fine.

245
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,252
How are you?

246
00:09:29,258 --> 00:09:31,059
I'm good...
not drowning.

247
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,167
That could change.

248
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,305
Please don't lean
on the...

249
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:34,745
Oh, I'm sorry.
Thank you.

250
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,924
Be right with you.

251
00:09:37,933 --> 00:09:39,004
Here's your ice
cream, Teddy.

252
00:09:39,009 --> 00:09:40,538
Bob, this is too cold.

253
00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:41,812
Can you just put it
in the microwave for me?

254
00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,018
I can't do that
right now, Teddy.

255
00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:44,403
It's too cold.
I can't eat it.

256
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:45,915
Just eat it as is!
I can't eat this.

257
00:09:45,921 --> 00:09:47,455
- Oh, my God.
- Just warm it up for me.

258
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,713
Teddy, you're killing me.
Come on, take a second.

259
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,874
- Give me the ice cream. Give it to me.
- Don't put it on too long, now.

260
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,584
Excuse me. Can I get
a sample of the chocolate?

261
00:09:53,591 --> 00:09:55,341
Why do you need a sample?
You don't need a sample.

262
00:09:55,349 --> 00:09:56,983
But how will I know
what it tastes like?

263
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:59,225
It's chocolate...
it tastes like chocolate tastes.

264
00:09:59,235 --> 00:10:01,469
Is it nonfat?
Um, no.

265
00:10:01,478 --> 00:10:03,479
What percentage of fat is it?
I don't know.

266
00:10:03,488 --> 00:10:05,656
Is it two percent?
I don't know.

267
00:10:05,665 --> 00:10:06,899
You should
get it melted.

268
00:10:06,905 --> 00:10:08,355
Can we get a sample
of the melted?

269
00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:09,828
You won't be sorry.
Teddy.

270
00:10:09,835 --> 00:10:10,834
What?
Stop.

271
00:10:10,839 --> 00:10:12,107
Uh, Bob...

272
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,613
I think my
medium rare burger

273
00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:15,321
is turning into a
well done situation.

274
00:10:15,329 --> 00:10:16,684
- Oh, crap.
- Bobby, take it out of the microwave.

275
00:10:16,690 --> 00:10:20,142
- Bobby, take it out of the microwave.
- I'm cooking now, Teddy.

276
00:10:20,156 --> 00:10:21,785
Bobby, take the ice cream out
of the microwave.

277
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:23,339
We're back.

278
00:10:23,346 --> 00:10:24,750
Lin, you can't keep
the kids this late.

279
00:10:24,756 --> 00:10:26,590
I need you guys
to be here.

280
00:10:26,598 --> 00:10:28,696
Here, Teddy, there's your
bowl of melted ice cream.

281
00:10:28,705 --> 00:10:30,292
Oh, the bowl is hot.

282
00:10:30,299 --> 00:10:33,001
I can't do burgers
and ice cream by myself.

283
00:10:33,013 --> 00:10:34,881
Dad's freaking out.
I'm not freaking out!

284
00:10:34,889 --> 00:10:36,723
- Totally freaking out.
- Shut up!

285
00:10:36,731 --> 00:10:38,081
Okay, shh,
shh, shh, shh.

286
00:10:38,087 --> 00:10:39,421
I'm gonna go change.

287
00:10:39,427 --> 00:10:40,840
Me, too.
I'm not.

288
00:10:40,846 --> 00:10:42,167
How was swim practice, Lin?

289
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:43,440
Good... the kids will be ready

290
00:10:43,446 --> 00:10:45,163
to get in the water any day now.

291
00:10:45,171 --> 00:10:46,868
They haven't gotten
in the water yet?

292
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:48,709
They're visual learners, Bob.

293
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:49,855
It's a scam, Linda.

294
00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:50,993
They're not playing a sport.

295
00:10:50,999 --> 00:10:52,867
They're playing you again.

296
00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:54,542
Look, soft serve.
Oh, God.

297
00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:56,288
All right,
here's a sample.

298
00:10:56,296 --> 00:10:57,458
I want vanilla.
Do you have strawberry?

299
00:10:57,463 --> 00:10:58,813
Swirl it.
Swirl it.

300
00:10:58,819 --> 00:11:01,821
Look, we don't do swirls
or sprinkles or strawberry.

301
00:11:01,834 --> 00:11:04,452
- Swirl it.
- This is not low fat!

302
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:06,681
Oh, my God. Just spit it out.
Spit it. Spit it.

303
00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:08,157
You're my best friend.

304
00:11:08,164 --> 00:11:09,548
You're my best friend.
All right.

305
00:11:09,554 --> 00:11:12,256
All the teenagers leave!
Little Leaguers, too!

306
00:11:12,267 --> 00:11:13,500
I ate some
of that sponge.

307
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,140
- I want a sponge.
- Out!

308
00:11:18,652 --> 00:11:19,694
Gene, boogers.

309
00:11:20,992 --> 00:11:22,872
That is good stuff. Uncut.

310
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,802
Kids, down here!

311
00:11:24,811 --> 00:11:26,778
Time to work on scissor kicks.

312
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:29,276
Today, we're going to actually
do them in the water.

313
00:11:29,287 --> 00:11:30,331
Gene just ate, Mom.

314
00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:31,754
We could get a cramp.

315
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,294
What are you guys
doing here?

316
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:36,036
Mr. Frond made us
independent study kids, too.

317
00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:37,736
Whee!

318
00:11:37,744 --> 00:11:40,741
We could use more people
for a pyramid lift.

319
00:11:40,753 --> 00:11:42,721
Or we could make a circle.

320
00:11:42,729 --> 00:11:45,497
Concentric circles.

321
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,293
Ooh.

322
00:11:54,837 --> 00:11:57,222
Hey, Linda,
I like the choreography.

323
00:11:57,232 --> 00:12:00,547
You're a great coach...
a beautiful, sensual coach.

324
00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:02,833
Thank you, Tom Selleck.

325
00:12:06,041 --> 00:12:07,630
Kids, stop!
Stop! Stop!

326
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:10,184
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Marco.

327
00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:11,761
Wahlberg.

328
00:12:11,768 --> 00:12:14,136
No whistles.
You know that.

329
00:12:14,146 --> 00:12:15,513
I know the
whistle rule!

330
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,588
Fine. Please don't
lean on the chair.

331
00:12:17,596 --> 00:12:19,129
What's wrong
with you kids?

332
00:12:19,136 --> 00:12:20,871
Don't you care about
your independent study?

333
00:12:20,879 --> 00:12:23,580
- No.
- Louise said this class was a joke.

334
00:12:23,591 --> 00:12:25,259
Yeah. Say something funny.

335
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,930
Louise, Tina, Gene,
get over here now.

336
00:12:27,942 --> 00:12:29,401
Ah... good one.

337
00:12:29,407 --> 00:12:31,408
Cannonball!

338
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,463
That is it!

339
00:12:33,471 --> 00:12:34,888
Your father was right.

340
00:12:34,895 --> 00:12:36,768
You're just taking
advantage of me.

341
00:12:36,776 --> 00:12:40,557
You and Dad were talking about
us behind our backs? Not cool!

342
00:12:40,572 --> 00:12:43,024
If you don't care
about your P.E. requirement,

343
00:12:43,035 --> 00:12:44,852
then I don't, either.

344
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:46,778
I quit!

345
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:51,172
Looks like somebody's ready
to coach independent drama.

346
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,565
Where are you guys going?

347
00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:55,736
The pool's that way.

348
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,312
Screw the pool.

349
00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:59,167
Without our mom around,
we make the rules again.

350
00:12:59,175 --> 00:13:01,426
Oh! Am I glad I
caught you guys.

351
00:13:01,435 --> 00:13:03,206
I have very exciting news.

352
00:13:03,214 --> 00:13:04,748
I pulled some strings,

353
00:13:04,755 --> 00:13:07,206
left several
persuasive voice mails.

354
00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:10,435
The superintendent
is bringing the school board

355
00:13:10,448 --> 00:13:13,897
to the pool this afternoon
to watch you synchronized-swim.

356
00:13:13,912 --> 00:13:16,033
What?!
But our mom quit. Ow.

357
00:13:16,042 --> 00:13:19,245
They even suggested doing
a graded performance.

358
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:20,842
We're going to set up
a judges' table.

359
00:13:20,849 --> 00:13:22,316
It'll be like the Olympics.

360
00:13:22,322 --> 00:13:25,491
Mr. Frond... ha!...
we should not do this.

361
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:27,404
The whole point
of independent study

362
00:13:27,413 --> 00:13:29,381
was so that we
wouldn't feel judged.

363
00:13:29,389 --> 00:13:30,923
You're judged from
the day you're born

364
00:13:30,930 --> 00:13:32,397
till the day you die.

365
00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:33,920
The school board
wants to see you

366
00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:36,045
do scissor kicks
and perfect lifts.

367
00:13:36,054 --> 00:13:39,170
Otherwise, you're all
going to summer school.

368
00:13:39,183 --> 00:13:40,937
Summer school?

369
00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:44,136
What am I
going to wear?

370
00:13:47,378 --> 00:13:49,537
I'm glad you finally quit
helping the kids, Lin.

371
00:13:49,546 --> 00:13:51,981
- It was the right thing to do.
- You were right, Bob.

372
00:13:51,992 --> 00:13:53,860
I needed to let
my baby birds fly...

373
00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:56,236
my bratty little
baby birds fly

374
00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:58,847
- with their crappy little wings.
- That was...

375
00:13:58,858 --> 00:14:00,893
Sometimes you just got to
push 'em out the window.

376
00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:02,635
- Yeah.
- You just got to push 'em right out there.

377
00:14:02,643 --> 00:14:05,011
And if they fall flat,
then that's them.

378
00:14:05,021 --> 00:14:06,239
Well, you know what,
it's nice to have you back.

379
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,561
It's nice to be back.

380
00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:08,884
Hey, you want to train me

381
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,390
on this thing or what?
You bet I do.

382
00:14:10,396 --> 00:14:11,747
All right.
Yeah, you put your...

383
00:14:11,753 --> 00:14:12,986
- Okay.
- ... put your hand on the knob.

384
00:14:12,992 --> 00:14:14,642
- Yeah? Like that?
- There you go. Yeah, no.

385
00:14:14,649 --> 00:14:16,350
Like that?
Slow. Slow.

386
00:14:16,358 --> 00:14:18,009
Ah, slow, slow, slow.

387
00:14:18,016 --> 00:14:19,400
? Oh... ?

388
00:14:19,406 --> 00:14:21,090
Yeah, there you go.
Ah.

389
00:14:21,098 --> 00:14:24,819
? My love ?

390
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:27,384
? My darling... ?

391
00:14:27,395 --> 00:14:30,307
Oh, hey, Tom Selleck.

392
00:14:31,632 --> 00:14:33,466
Uh, Linda,
take it easy.

393
00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:35,124
Oh! Oh! Whoo.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

394
00:14:35,131 --> 00:14:37,516
- Yeah, you can't pull it down that hard.
- Okay.

395
00:14:37,526 --> 00:14:39,110
Mom, we're
really sorry.

396
00:14:39,117 --> 00:14:40,684
Will you come back and
help us right now, please?

397
00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:42,459
Hmm.
Stay strong, Lin.

398
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:44,301
Please.

399
00:14:44,309 --> 00:14:46,810
- I accept your apology, and I will help you.
- What?

400
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,621
Great! Let's go.

401
00:14:48,629 --> 00:14:52,399
- I will help you by not helping you. Right?
- Mmm.

402
00:14:52,414 --> 00:14:53,681
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

403
00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:55,054
What just
happened here?

404
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,927
Why is everyone smiling
and not helping?

405
00:14:56,935 --> 00:14:58,869
Mom, Mr. Frond
is making us perform

406
00:14:58,878 --> 00:15:01,313
for the school board
this afternoon.

407
00:15:01,323 --> 00:15:02,757
- Not my problem.
- Exactly.

408
00:15:02,763 --> 00:15:04,897
Not her problem.
It's not my problem.

409
00:15:04,907 --> 00:15:06,141
- Yes, what she said.
- Not mine.

410
00:15:06,146 --> 00:15:07,930
Okay, let's not...

411
00:15:07,938 --> 00:15:10,373
And if we don't pass,
we have to go to summer school.

412
00:15:10,383 --> 00:15:11,593
- Summer school?
- Yeah. What next?

413
00:15:11,599 --> 00:15:14,725
Summer church?
Summer dentist?

414
00:15:14,738 --> 00:15:15,938
Summer visit
Grandma?

415
00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:18,111
Summer camp?
Wait, I'd go there.

416
00:15:18,121 --> 00:15:19,955
You guys made your
bed, and now you're

417
00:15:19,963 --> 00:15:21,363
- going to have to swim in it.
- Whoa, whoa.

418
00:15:21,369 --> 00:15:22,870
Lin, the kids can't go
to summer school.

419
00:15:22,877 --> 00:15:24,677
We need them here
in the restaurant.

420
00:15:24,684 --> 00:15:26,704
I thought you said quitting
was the right thing to do.

421
00:15:26,713 --> 00:15:27,961
We both said a lot of things.

422
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:29,101
Just, you help them.

423
00:15:29,106 --> 00:15:30,523
I will not,
you hypocrite.

424
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,014
If you want
to help the kids...

425
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:33,420
you're such
a know-it-all parent...

426
00:15:33,427 --> 00:15:34,978
then help them yourself.
I'm done.

427
00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:37,018
- Yeah! Dad, help us!
- Yeah! Help us, Dad! Please.

428
00:15:37,027 --> 00:15:38,394
That's a great idea!

429
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,534
No, no, no.
What? No, not me.

430
00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:41,393
- Yeah. Yes, you.
- No, I'm busy.

431
00:15:41,401 --> 00:15:42,482
Dad.
Hmm?

432
00:15:42,487 --> 00:15:44,254
Summer School.

433
00:15:44,262 --> 00:15:47,049
And you're here all alone
without Team Soft Serve.

434
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:48,642
It's too cold.
I can't eat it.

435
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:50,200
What percentage
of fat is it?

436
00:15:50,207 --> 00:15:51,541
Swirl it.
Is it nonfat?

437
00:15:51,547 --> 00:15:53,113
- Take it out of the microwave.
- Uh, Bob.

438
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,088
Swirl it.
The bowl is hot.

439
00:15:55,097 --> 00:15:56,398
Totally freaking out.

440
00:15:56,403 --> 00:15:57,870
- Swirl it.
- No!

441
00:15:57,877 --> 00:15:59,961
Okay, fine.

442
00:15:59,970 --> 00:16:02,639
I guess I'll have to figure out
some kind of routine.

443
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:04,884
I taught you kids
how to use this, right?

444
00:16:04,894 --> 00:16:06,161
Yeah.
But I still don't

445
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,900
understand where
the ice cream goes.

446
00:16:07,908 --> 00:16:09,008
All right, shut up.
Forget it.

447
00:16:14,172 --> 00:16:16,673
Superintendent Douglas,
let me get your chair for you.

448
00:16:16,683 --> 00:16:18,200
I got it. I got it.
Yeah. Ah.

449
00:16:18,207 --> 00:16:19,835
Once upon a time,

450
00:16:19,842 --> 00:16:22,417
there was no such thing as math.

451
00:16:22,428 --> 00:16:26,347
Until one brave teacher said,
"Hey, what about math?"

452
00:16:26,363 --> 00:16:29,382
I think independent study
synchronized swimming

453
00:16:29,394 --> 00:16:31,345
will be the next math.

454
00:16:31,354 --> 00:16:32,721
We are so screwed.

455
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:34,361
We're all gonna die!

456
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,769
Let's die like we were born...
two minutes apart!

457
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:38,413
All right,
everybody, calm down.

458
00:16:38,421 --> 00:16:39,788
Huddle up. Come here.

459
00:16:39,794 --> 00:16:41,195
We can fake our way
through this.

460
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,352
We'll do a few of these
and some of this.

461
00:16:43,361 --> 00:16:44,661
And maybe we'll be okay.

462
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,378
Dad, go change
into your suit.

463
00:16:46,386 --> 00:16:47,943
I'm in my suit.
Hmm?

464
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:49,727
This is what men wear, Gene,
in the pool.

465
00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:50,875
Well, it looks ridiculous.

466
00:16:52,848 --> 00:16:54,740
?
? And five, six, seven, eight...

467
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:58,308
Fire!
Oh, my God.

468
00:16:58,316 --> 00:16:59,401
Everyone stay!

469
00:16:59,406 --> 00:17:01,122
Phillip, it's a fire alarm.

470
00:17:01,129 --> 00:17:02,663
No, we're...
we're at a swimming pool.

471
00:17:02,670 --> 00:17:04,704
This is the safest place to be
during a fire.

472
00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:06,180
False alarm,
people.

473
00:17:06,187 --> 00:17:08,021
False alarm!
Everything is fine.

474
00:17:08,029 --> 00:17:10,064
Let's get this swim going!

475
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,202
And five, six,
seven, eight...

476
00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:20,696
Anthrax! Run
for your lives!

477
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,541
Aah! Anthrax!

478
00:17:22,549 --> 00:17:24,351
Anthrax smells
like babies!

479
00:17:24,358 --> 00:17:27,008
- Oh, my God.
- Aah!

480
00:17:27,019 --> 00:17:28,870
Phillip, what
is going on here?

481
00:17:28,878 --> 00:17:30,595
Come over here. Come here.

482
00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:33,272
It's-it's just talcum powder.
Carry on.

483
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,450
Ugh.

484
00:17:39,245 --> 00:17:41,046
Linda, it's Tom Selleck.

485
00:17:41,054 --> 00:17:43,255
Tom, what are you doing
in my coffee?

486
00:17:43,264 --> 00:17:45,499
Want to know what's
the sexiest thing about you?

487
00:17:45,508 --> 00:17:47,175
My ankles.
No.

488
00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:48,350
You're a fantastic mother.

489
00:17:48,355 --> 00:17:50,433
Oh. Anything else?

490
00:17:50,442 --> 00:17:51,899
You always do the right thing.

491
00:17:51,906 --> 00:17:53,139
All right, we're done.

492
00:17:53,144 --> 00:17:54,978
Go. Get out of my coffee.

493
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:57,571
And five, six,
seven, eight...

494
00:17:57,582 --> 00:17:59,600
Doody! Doody!

495
00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:00,676
Oh, come on!

496
00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:01,881
Everyone out
of the pool.

497
00:18:01,886 --> 00:18:03,153
We've got a code brown.

498
00:18:03,159 --> 00:18:04,359
Don't go near it.

499
00:18:04,365 --> 00:18:05,634
It's disgusting.

500
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,255
You did a Caddyshack?

501
00:18:07,262 --> 00:18:08,829
- Nice move.
- What's a Caddyshack?

502
00:18:08,836 --> 00:18:11,038
The movie... <i>Caddyshack?</i>
Never heard of it.

503
00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:14,249
Wait, so you didn't just throw
a candy bar in the pool? No.

504
00:18:14,262 --> 00:18:15,646
Oh, my God.
Yeah.

505
00:18:15,653 --> 00:18:18,254
Wow. Looks like a candy bar.
Thank you.

506
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,831
Mine looks
like chicken satay.

507
00:18:19,838 --> 00:18:21,499
Sorry, folks, we
got to drain it.

508
00:18:21,507 --> 00:18:23,081
I think we're done here.

509
00:18:23,088 --> 00:18:25,189
Next time,
let's stick to the curriculum.

510
00:18:25,198 --> 00:18:27,533
No! No. No.
We are not done.

511
00:18:27,543 --> 00:18:28,876
We will... we will
still do this.

512
00:18:28,882 --> 00:18:31,751
We will...
do this in the empty pool.

513
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,529
You want us to swim in
a pool with no water?

514
00:18:33,537 --> 00:18:34,731
Are you insane?

515
00:18:34,737 --> 00:18:36,695
Summer school.

516
00:18:37,305 --> 00:18:40,140
?
? And five, six, seven, eight.

517
00:18:47,504 --> 00:18:49,257
Ow!
Sorry, Dad.

518
00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:54,983
It's Mom.

519
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:57,024
Lin, what are you doing here?

520
00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:59,001
A little cup of coffee
told me to come.

521
00:18:59,010 --> 00:19:01,011
I don't know what that means,
but we're glad to see you.

522
00:19:01,019 --> 00:19:02,279
We're dying here.

523
00:19:02,285 --> 00:19:03,619
Follow my lead!

524
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:05,199
Crowning Otter!

525
00:19:06,495 --> 00:19:07,946
Clench that pelvic floor!

526
00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,352
Gene, you're good.

527
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,111
I've seen her do it
a million times.

528
00:19:11,118 --> 00:19:13,101
And into Downward Stork.

529
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,345
Don't forget to breathe.

530
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:18,140
Here comes the baby.

531
00:19:18,152 --> 00:19:20,487
Push... and push.

532
00:19:22,256 --> 00:19:24,340
Oh, oh, it's crowning.
It's crowning.

533
00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:27,017
Aah! I had a baby!

534
00:19:27,029 --> 00:19:29,011
And lift up the baby.

535
00:19:31,717 --> 00:19:34,218
Nurse the baby.

536
00:19:34,229 --> 00:19:37,398
And jazz hands.

537
00:19:41,077 --> 00:19:42,388
We passed!
Yes!

538
00:19:42,394 --> 00:19:43,717
Next time we do this,

539
00:19:43,723 --> 00:19:45,567
I'm getting an epidural.

540
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:48,968
Well, the school board
killed independent study.

541
00:19:48,982 --> 00:19:51,427
Another Frond innovation
in the crapper.

542
00:19:51,437 --> 00:19:53,227
But we passed the performance?

543
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,404
I guess, technically,
you passed.

544
00:19:54,409 --> 00:19:56,108
So no summer school?

545
00:19:56,116 --> 00:19:57,349
Yeah. Yeah.
No summer school.

546
00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:59,889
- Whatever.
- Whoo-hoo. Yes. Whoo-hoo.

547
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,895
But you do
have to go back to P.E.

548
00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:04,500
Balls.

549
00:20:04,505 --> 00:20:06,306
I got to go
knit this out.

550
00:20:06,314 --> 00:20:08,634
Nice job with the
prenatal yoga, Mom.

551
00:20:08,644 --> 00:20:10,643
Sorry we were such jerks.

552
00:20:10,652 --> 00:20:12,363
That's why I quit
being your coach.

553
00:20:12,370 --> 00:20:14,728
But I'll never quit
being your mommy.

554
00:20:14,738 --> 00:20:16,338
You saved our asses.

555
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,679
And toned our Kegels.

556
00:20:17,685 --> 00:20:19,386
Let's go home
and celebrate

557
00:20:19,394 --> 00:20:20,946
with some soft serve!

558
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,519
Eh, let's go to I Scream,

559
00:20:22,526 --> 00:20:23,859
You Scream,
We All Scream for Yogurt.

560
00:20:23,865 --> 00:20:25,132
They've got more flavors.

561
00:20:25,138 --> 00:20:26,689
I want to go
to Chilli Billy's.

562
00:20:26,695 --> 00:20:27,995
I think they
just serve chili.

563
00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:29,935
Ooh, now I'm hungry
for chili.

564
00:20:29,944 --> 00:20:31,245
Good,
'cause we're getting chili.

565
00:20:31,251 --> 00:20:32,618
All right!

566
00:20:32,624 --> 00:20:34,258
Are we just going
to ignore the fact

567
00:20:34,265 --> 00:20:35,565
that Louise pooped
in the pool?

568
00:20:35,571 --> 00:20:36,854
Ignore it?

569
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,194
I named it...
Jezebel.

570
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,286
Aw. My little
grand-doody.

571
00:20:41,336 --> 00:20:45,886
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